Soldiers on a Plane, Monsters are a Pain and Snakes on a Plain

Hello true believers!!

If I look a little frazzled, it's because I endured a marathon cross country voyage to get to my temporary west coast hacienda. I guess I didn't realize when I got on the plane in TN that I'd spend the next 13 hours heading west. Crap man... I could have taken a covered wagon and saved the folks at NOLS some money.

It took me three airplanes, two layovers of more than two hours (one of nearly four) to get me to my destination. During my time on the planes and the layovers, I made some observations:

1- Many of the soldiers we are sending to Iraq do not speak English. Joining me on my flight from Charlotte to Las Vegas (the middle leg of this idiot's triathlon) where a platoon (or more) of soldiers, all in U.S. Army BDUs. They were universally polite to everyone, and didn't make much of a fuss at all (especially if they were returning from overseas and heading to Vegas for some R and R). During the entire flight, I didn't hear a single one of them utter one word of English. This leads me to believe that our government has decided to employ one of my ideas from a former post. (to recap, the idea was to put a sign on the Mexico side of the border that reads in English "If you would like to volunteer for service in the U.S. Army, please climb over this fence to the other side" thus solving the problem of illegal immigration while bolstering our levies of fighting men and women. (Blogger's Note: For those reading this that might not know me very well, please be assured that these comments are in the vein of satire meant to expose the dangers of ignorance and have a little fun. I have learned a lot from those of other cultures and hope to continue my explorations for some time to come!)

2- Some Bees, called "Africanized" are aggressive and have been known to follow you and continue to make nuisances of themselves even as you attempt to disengage and remove to a safe distance (the staff of the SW branch had a run in with such a gang winged bad asses the day before my arrival. Many "ouches" and "dammits" were had by all. Maybe even a "friggin' bastard.")

3- Some redneck, loud, obnoxious and of course... fat... travelers are apparently "Africanized" as well. I ran into such a pair while a prisoner at the Las Vegas airport. While resting in the terminal, passing the time with some truly world class people watching, the husband and wife began their coordinated assault. Despite there being an entire row of empty seats to my left, they elected to sit directly adjacent to me. The mass of the wife easily defied the boundaries of her seat and I retreated to the farthest edge of mine to no avail. Her hip (I think) or dorsal fin (possibly) ...touched me (the horror!). Fearing further flesh-battery, I moved to another vantage point which I felt was a safe distance away. With one eye on the circling menace and the other on the clock, I lapsed into semi-consciousness, waiting for my flight to begin boarding.

Upon entering the plane, I learned to my relief that the flight was only half booked and there would be plenty of room to spread out. I was also encouraged to learn that my seat was in the back of the plane, nearly the last row. Ah...solitude.

Right. Not this trip.

Slowly, inexorably, they marched down the aisle, with John Williams' Jaws theme playing behind them, passing one empty row after another, crashing down into the two seats directly in front of me. At this point I looked out the window to make sure a wing wasn't missing. "What's next?" I thought. A Gremlin ripping up an engine? Would our pilot turn out to be JFK Jr... with John Denver as the co-pilot? Were there rugby players on board? I resigned myself to my fate and amidst loud guffaws, guttural noises and seat adjustments, I leaned back, shutting everything out, attaining a Zen state of relaxed calm and tranquility.

And then she farted.

I don't remember anything after that. When next I became aware, the plane was on the ground in Arizona. They continued on to terrorize Tokyo and I escaped into the balmy pre-dawn darkness of Tucson.

Before I show you some photos of the NOLS Southwest Headquarters, I'll share with you a brief anecdote that sums up living in the desert. I was preparing to leave for a run last night and asked one of the staff that's still here whether it was safe to run on the road at night or if I should wait until morning. He responded "do you mean safe from cars or from snakes?" "Tomorrow it is" I said.

The front gate of the Southwest branch

A wide angle view of the campus.

The climbing wall

The main house

The pool area

The "bunk house" area where I'm sleeping

The patio area with grill and fireplace

And so... as the sun sets in Tucson sky, I bid you a fond farewell! Until the next post amigos!!

- Mitch